I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
