Can i not drive my cunt home
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy