i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
