So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the liver wants what the liver wants
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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