Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need to calm my uterus...