just tell him i said nine months
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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