Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
