I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
