Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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