I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
