I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
