Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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