why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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