dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
