Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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