have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
