I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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