Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
