she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
