During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
