he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
