You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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