I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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