I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to sanitize my soul.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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