they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
