One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
MIDGETS
????
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
