wanna go halves on a baby?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
