my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
