The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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