New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
