dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
