So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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