Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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