He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was confusing and full of hummus
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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