i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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