wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
