Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
