Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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