if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
