I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
