Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
