Fuck appropriateness.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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