I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
