the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
