We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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