I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
