I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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