I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
