I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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