do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is the high leading the old right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
