Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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