9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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