Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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