so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
