I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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