We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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