My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
