i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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