btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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