Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
