Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i dont even know how to be here
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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