i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
