Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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