Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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