a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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