He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
