We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
