I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
