you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
