got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
