I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
