So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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