you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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