omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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