Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
