If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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