Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
